Closure

It's been two months and no update, sorry pals. The final piece of this story didn't end in a pregnancy. I will say that the 10 days after the embryo transfer is not for the weak of heart. I had had a few 2 week waits in the past. But when you have put so much time and energy into IVF (months of tests, shots, what ifs etc), the stakes are much higher that you get pregnant. My doctor warned me that the chances weren't great since we only put one embryo in and it was graded as "fair." But it was still heartbreaking for it not to work. We may revisit IVF in the future, but for now, we are taking a break.

I initially started this blog to be a resource for women who were looking for info on the IVF/PGD process. It has evolved into much more than that. It has allowed me to share my faith which has been something I've wanted to do, but not known how to do for many years. I thought that maybe through this blog, and getting pregnant against the odds, it would reach people. But that hasn't happened. I did not get pregnant. God did not answer my prayers and the prayers of so many. My faith should be shattered, right?

I'm not going to lie, the last 8 months have been among the most difficult of my life. Some days it is not pretty. I am not immune to feelings of anger, sadness, isolation, jealousy, and so many ugly emotions.

But I have to share that even in the darkest days of this journey, I Have Hope. My hope is not in getting a positive pregnancy test. Because, if that were my only hope, I would be left with none right now.

My hope is in Christ. The end. When I look to Him, I have peace. Peace in a storm. Peace that surpasses all circumstances. I am ok. So that is the message I want to leave on this blog. This is not a sad ending. I feel so blessed everyday, even on the bad days. And if I feel overwhelmed and realize I've had one too many bad days in a row, I reflect on what I have been seeking, and usually it's not Him.

So I'll open up my Bible or talk to a dear friend who directs me back to what's important and there's that Peace again. Many reading this know exactly what I am talking about, and are struggling through their own crazy storms, so grateful that they Believe. However, I do know that this sounds crazy to some people. I've been there. I get that. But hopefully I am still planting a seed. For later. When you are in your own storm. There is Hope. I am always here for people who want to talk. About IVF, infertility, or God.

Love you all!
The end.

                                                          Big toothy grin...we're ok!