Ready to get started...

Been awhile since I last updated. We are gearing up to officially start this cycle. In the last month I had an HSG test and trial transfer, as well as ultrasound to see how many eggs we will be working with. The HSG and trial transfer went great! The ultrasound, not the best. I guess I had a lower number of eggs than my doctor expected for someone my age. He is giving us an estimate of a 20-30% chance of success per IVF/PGD cycle. Not the best numbers, but again, this is where my faith comes into play and I know I just need to give it up to God or I'm going to drive myself bonkers.

Speaking of that, the past 3 months have been kinda crazy. I feel like I've had to get used to so many changes in a short period of time. I'd been experiencing some major anxiety, which was completely new for me. I felt really negative about the IVF for awhile and just felt like the odds were against us. I felt like it was so unfair that we would have this problem because Ian and I both LOVE being parents to our daughter more than anything and want many more children. "Why us? Why me?" kept playing over and over in my head. I decided to end the pity party a few weeks ago at church. Pastor Greg was doing his typical call to action after the sermon and asking what God was telling you and what you were going to do about it. He said maybe there's a big worry you have or a burden you've been carrying and you need to give it up. There's a cross at the front of the church (for all you non-Seacoasters) where people write on pieces of paper whatever is on their hearts and pin it up there. So I got out of my seat and simply wrote "IVF and my anxiety." I told Ian what I wrote and he said, "Finally" because I think I'd been driving him a bit crazy;) Well, no lie, the anxiety is 95% better. Funny what a simple act of obedience can do. 

For all my non-Christian (northern) friends reading this, hope you don't think I'm crazy. I was raised in a Christian household and have been close to God for many years, but the harder times get the more I just cling to my faith. Feel free to skip over all the God stuff or refer back to it when you're facing a difficult time;)

The other big thing that has happened is I started an Infertility group at our church. Myself and another friend are leading it together and we have the greatest group of women so far. I cannot even express how grateful I am to know them. All of our stories and struggles are unique but the one thing we have in common is a desire to be mothers and facing difficult roads. Many of us have children already but for one reason or another have hit roadblocks trying to add to our families. To my praying friends, please keep us in your prayers. I think all of them would agree with me that we don't need pity, but we could definitely benefit from prayers! I wholeheartedly believe all of us will be blessed with children in the future.