Egg Retrieval and the Emotional Rollercoaster

Since I last wrote, lots has happened! Some good, some bad, but all a part of the plan. We are still keeping the faith on this blog. But it's been a bumpy ride. 

The shots were fine. Minor bruising, but a breeze really. I even got over my fear of giving blood since I was having to do it daily leading up to the egg retrieval (ER). The final week before the ER is grueling. You are giving yourself multiple shots a day and you start to feel FULL. Very bloated and aware of your ovaries. It's weird, I know. But the shots you are giving yourself are pumping your ovaries up so they are able to keep growing all the follicles. Eggs live in the follicles, and follicles live in the ovaries. So leading up to the egg retrieval, I had to go in every morning and get blood drawn (to check my estrogen level) and get a ultrasound to measure all the growing follicles. 

This became a very exciting process. For months leading up to the IVF, and even when it started, I was told that I had a low egg reserve. Not great news for an IVF candidate, since the more eggs you get, the better your odds of having healthy embryos. My doctor said we could expect 9-10 eggs per cycle. Well, I started asking for prayer for more eggs. From everyone. It started in my Sisterhood Infertility group and just expanded. I shamelessly asked for prayer for my eggs. I wanted to prove that this was in God's hands and he could do better. I asked for 12 eggs, a dozen, and then I jokingly upped it to a baker's dozen. 

During my first ultrasound, the tech started counting the follicles. I silently prayed. "6, 7, 8...9, 10...11, 12." I could hardly believe it! Just as I had asked, a dozen! I went back the next day and she told me she saw 13. I shouldn't have been surprised but I was. My pessimistic self had to laugh and remember that the stats, doctors and odds are no match for God.

That gave me a push and I just kept asking for prayer. I asked strangers. I really believed that the more people I had praying for me, the more eggs I would get. Fast forward a few days to the egg retrieval. It went smooth. Even with the ultrasound results in (13 follicles), my doctor told us to expect "10 or 11" eggs. The ultrasounds are not 100% accurate and there's no way of knowing 100% until you go in. 

I woke up with the number 19 in my head. I was in a lot of pain and very out of it but kept thinking 19, 19, 19. They brought Ian in and I asked if they got 19 eggs. They did (they must have told me when I came to, but I only half heard them)! 19 eggs! About double more than what I had been told to expect for months. This was such a huge answer to prayer and I had to give the glory to Him. Nothing else would make sense. 

Anyway, since that day, the numbers started to dwindle pretty quickly, as they tend to do with IVF. Of the 19 eggs retrieved, 15 were mature (the right size). Those 15 were injected with one single sperm each, and only 8 fertilized. So the next day, we were told that those 8 would be given the chance to grow for 5-6 days. Because we need PGD, whichever embryos (as they are now called) made it this long would be biopsied and sent out to Houston for testing. The Dr. in Houston would look at the 9 and 19 chromosomes and be able to tell if the embryo/s were healthy or not***. So we waited. 

On day 5, we were told that 1 embryo had stopped growing, 4 embryos had grown enough to be biopsied, and 3 may be able to be biopsied the next day. The next day, I was told that 1 additional embryo was able to be biopsied. "Great, so we have 5 that will be sent for PGD?" I said. The Dr. told me that there was some bad news. The 4 embryos that got biopsied the previous day all stopped growing after biopsy. The embryo that got biopsied that day was immediately frozen and was our only hope. I couldn't believe it. Our miracle of 19 eggs had rapidly dropped and we had 1 possible embryo. The chance of this embryo being healthy and able to create a living child is 32%. I was getting really sick about the odds and nearly gave up. We tried to stay busy all weekend and distract ourselves from the bad news we could get on Monday. We hung out with our precious miracle Elle and just basked in her fabulous-ness. It helped of course!

                                              Gorgeous Charlestowne Landing

I called the Houston Dr. on Monday expecting the worst but hoping for another miracle. It came. "I have some very good news for you..." he said. So our one frozen embryo is not affected by the translocation! It all came down to one, and I am so grateful. Thank you for the prayers. They are working. 

                                                     Joy. 

I read this today and it's so beautiful. For all my ladies who are struggling to add to your family, take heart.

"I don't know why we have been chosen to undertake such a painful journey, why we must go through such struggles to bring our children into this world. But I do know that when we look into our babies' faces, they will never have to wonder if they were really wanted. Ours are the children who, no matter how they came to us, will look at their parents and know from the deepest places in their heart, how much we cherish them, and how we labored to give them life. And in that there is no greater security and no greater gift." - Dr. Randine Lewis, The Infertility Cure


***An unhealthy embryo in this case is a death sentence. This particular unbalanced chromosomal translocation is not compatible with a live birth. 

Ready to get started...

Been awhile since I last updated. We are gearing up to officially start this cycle. In the last month I had an HSG test and trial transfer, as well as ultrasound to see how many eggs we will be working with. The HSG and trial transfer went great! The ultrasound, not the best. I guess I had a lower number of eggs than my doctor expected for someone my age. He is giving us an estimate of a 20-30% chance of success per IVF/PGD cycle. Not the best numbers, but again, this is where my faith comes into play and I know I just need to give it up to God or I'm going to drive myself bonkers.

Speaking of that, the past 3 months have been kinda crazy. I feel like I've had to get used to so many changes in a short period of time. I'd been experiencing some major anxiety, which was completely new for me. I felt really negative about the IVF for awhile and just felt like the odds were against us. I felt like it was so unfair that we would have this problem because Ian and I both LOVE being parents to our daughter more than anything and want many more children. "Why us? Why me?" kept playing over and over in my head. I decided to end the pity party a few weeks ago at church. Pastor Greg was doing his typical call to action after the sermon and asking what God was telling you and what you were going to do about it. He said maybe there's a big worry you have or a burden you've been carrying and you need to give it up. There's a cross at the front of the church (for all you non-Seacoasters) where people write on pieces of paper whatever is on their hearts and pin it up there. So I got out of my seat and simply wrote "IVF and my anxiety." I told Ian what I wrote and he said, "Finally" because I think I'd been driving him a bit crazy;) Well, no lie, the anxiety is 95% better. Funny what a simple act of obedience can do. 

For all my non-Christian (northern) friends reading this, hope you don't think I'm crazy. I was raised in a Christian household and have been close to God for many years, but the harder times get the more I just cling to my faith. Feel free to skip over all the God stuff or refer back to it when you're facing a difficult time;)

The other big thing that has happened is I started an Infertility group at our church. Myself and another friend are leading it together and we have the greatest group of women so far. I cannot even express how grateful I am to know them. All of our stories and struggles are unique but the one thing we have in common is a desire to be mothers and facing difficult roads. Many of us have children already but for one reason or another have hit roadblocks trying to add to our families. To my praying friends, please keep us in your prayers. I think all of them would agree with me that we don't need pity, but we could definitely benefit from prayers! I wholeheartedly believe all of us will be blessed with children in the future.